About the heart

A long time ago, there was a six-year old girl. Her daddy was getting married and she was worried. She worried about what the new woman would be like. She worried about how she could love the new woman. She worried about that new woman coming in and changing things and that they would never be the same. She worried that if she dared to love the new woman, that her mother would be hurt or left behind or some how smaller.

In a rare moment of clarity and insight at that time, the new woman told the six-year old girl a story. It went something like this.

Your heart is like a house. In your heart-house there is a room for everybody you love. And each room is filled with memories and experiences and feelings about one person. So you have a room for your mom. And you have a room for your dad. And you have a room for your Poppa. And you have a room for your Grandma.

When a new person comes along you worry how that person will fit in your heart-house. Because you like each room just the way it is.

Only hearts-houses are different that real houses. In the heart-house, when somebody new comes along you don't have to move everything around and take away from one place to make room for a new thing. In heart-houses you just build a new room. All the old rooms stay the same.

The new room is kind of empty for a while. It takes time to build memories and experiences and to develop feelings. And that is okay. There is plenty of time to furnish the new room. The important thing is to build it and not be afraid of it.

And, as time passes, you will find out that the old rooms are still lovely and full of memories and adding new memories along the way. And the new room begins to fill up too. And soon, or late, that new room feels like it has been in your heart-house forever. And it is comfortable and easy and feels like home.

As we grow, we keep adding rooms to our heart-house. And there is always enough space for the new rooms. Love just gets bigger.

Indian Cave

I forgot to remember the flashlights. Josh was a little upset with me. He told me, several times, I should have told somebody that I wanted to remember flashlights. It's easy for one person to forget, but more people trying to remember and we would have had them. I had to agree with him, and I apologized profusely. No flashlights meant that we couldn't explore the caves. But, I'm sure that you can see from the pictures that we were not really dressed for serious spelunking. We were able to explore one cave -- Indian Cave. There was enough light from the collapsed roof that we didn't need a flashlight.



I like this first picture. The boys were looking all around. And I like the dark outlines of my family against the rock.












We had to go through a hole to get to the outside. Here Boaz is climbing out.






Here Josh is waiting for me to take his picture before he climbs out.















We got to walk on the lava flows to get back to the paved path. Boaz loved it so much that we went again. The cave was a lava tube. Walking across on the soufle-type roof was a bit eerie. I was glad to see Boaz be so careful. No injuries. :)

Craters of the Moon

For Josh's birthday, our family went to see Craters of the Moon National Park. We were excited because the internet said it was the only "weird" park. We wondered what that could mean. I also read that it was best viewed early in the morning or late in the afternoon. The direct, overhead light leaches all the colors from the rocks. And the heat makes visitors unenthusiastic for hiking.

So we set off Saturday morning on our 90 minute drive to see what we could see. Here are a few sights I thought were wonderful. :)




I love trees. I love tree stumps. I love tree skeletons. This tree skeleton looked so stark. Still wonderful in its death.


This little gray plant was so cheery, surrounded by dark, volcanic, pumice rock. It was so little, but it was growing right next to the path. I thought it lovely. :)

Mistletoe growing on these trees creates the profuse bundle of branches known as witches broom. Crazy to see it on this tree skeleton.














Here it is on a live tree.














Hardened rolls of lava. Evidence of a molten river about 2000 years ago. This is the newest activity in the Park. Scientist think it could happen again.

Birthday Boy

How did it happen that my Josh is 11 years old today?

He is funny, kind, polite, happy, smart, and basically wonderful.

Boaz just asked, "Josh do you feel 11?" Josh replied, "Um Hum (as in yes)."

I remember staying up all night the night before working on the crib bumper. And feeling the contractions early in the morning and asking Craig if he could feel them when he woke up that morning.

I remember walking in the hospital. Needing the contractions to be close enough together for him to come that day. I was so ready to get him out! But terrified at the same time.

I remember falling asleep almost the minute they started the epidural. I was so tired.

I remember not caring who was in the room. I was so focused on what my body was doing.

I remember getting angry at Craig for forgetting to count while I was pushing. My face must have been red, and I was gritting my teeth. "Count!" I snarled. And everybody in the room started counting.

I remember pushing for 2 1/2 hours and being so tired. I was happy they tried the suction before the C-section. I think it was very close. I didn't know how I did that. And Craig kept saying, you can do it.

I remember being so afraid when the epidural wore off that I would feel him come out. And so relieved when they numbed me again

And then they put him on stomach. And he was crying. And I was happy and exhausted. And he was wonderful.

I remember thinking  that they were crazy to let me take him home with me the next day. What did I know about being a mother?

And then I just wanted to hold him all the time and look at him and smell him.

I remember his huge, man-sized farts. And I was amazed that such a little body could produce that smell and that sound.

11 years ago my son gave me the gift of becoming a mother.

I love you Josh. :)

Oh no! It's happening

Today Josh beat me at Chess.

I haven't played for a long time. Maybe a year. Josh has been playing a bit lately.

I am an audio thinker. Josh is a visual thinker.

I didn't throw the game to help him feel good about himself.

I lost to an almost 11 year old.

Horrible.