Just because

Sometimes the best kind of flowers. The just because ones.

Mormon Battalion Museum

I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting a few months ago and I saw an email informing me that I had an ancestor that was in the Mormon Battalion. 

So when we moved to Southern CA, I wanted to make sure and go and see the Museum.

We got there and the sister missionary was telling us some info while she was standing in front of some  old style pictures. The thing is that the pictures looked like they were high def. I was distracted by the pictures, and then one of them sneezed. One of the pictures sneezed. It was like Hogwarts. The pictures started talking and then they all got up and walked away.

We were invited to go into the next room.

It was charming. I learned a lot about the Battalion.

The story about the nine year old boy that walked over 100 miles in 8 days all by himself to catch up to his dad freaked me out a bit. I looked over at Boaz and thought that boy was two years younger than Boaz. His poor mother.

At the end, there were kiosks where you could look up the members of the Battalion.

I couldn't get the image to copy to my pictures. But I found out that my ancestor ended up at Sutter's Mill. I don't know if he was involved in the discovery of gold, but he might have been there. It is fasinating to me when my people are part of historical events.

He ended up going on a mission to the Malad Valley. I have driven the Malad Pass every time we went from to Idaho to Utah. He lived in Soda Springs, ID and ended up dieing there. That was very close to where I lived up until we made this last move.

Somehow that information makes me feel closer to him.

Clinton Bronson. He is from my dad's line.

Family History is fun.

The wall

We were invited to a resort Monday. Craig had to work, but I took the boys south. We visited the Mormon Battalion Museum in San Diego. More on that later.

The kids swam and played ping pong. My friend and I wandered the shops.

We found out there was a new climbing wall. The older boys were excited about the possibility, the younger siblings were willing to follow the older ones.

We had a good pre-climb instruction. Harnesses were demonstrated. Josh was the first to try. He strapped into the automatic belay thingie. The person in charge of the wall was excellent. He was focused, gave encouragement, gave instructions, was ever watchful for the safety of his clients.

Beginning the climb. The holds were color coded. The easier holds were white and brown. Pink and blue and green were okay too.

At the overhang. Trying to find the way up. The guy said, "There is always a way up." The tendency is to rely on the arms to pull you up. The best way to climb is to depend more on the legs to push your way to the next hold. Once you stop, it is harder to get going again.

Past the overhang and climbing to the top. Josh was the only one to make it past the overhang. I still attibute this to scouting. All those pull-up that he had to do every year for over 4 years gave him drive to work on his arm strength.

Way up at the top. Then he got to jump off the wall and let the belay device lower him down. So I think the wall was 30 feet. As his mother, I was grateful for the belay device and the attention of the guy. (I feel super bad I didn't get his name. I did remember to compliment him on his expertise and attention.)

As I write this, I must disclose I didn't try the wall. I was wearing flipflops, and I am not really a fan of heights. Although I like the opposite activity - repelling.

Boaz tried the wall also.

The guy again watching out for my boy. Boaz has a height disadvantage still. Although that will no longer be an issue in probably two years.

Just under the overhang, searching for a way up.

Getting his legs ready to provide the push up.

He tried several times and gained good experience. He will be better prepared next time he tries. And, again, he did better than I did because I didn't try.

The wall as a metaphor for life -- there is always a way up. Keep moving. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Build muscles and confidence. Focus on the path. Pick your holds intentionally. Go with people you can trust. Trust the people you are with. Use the proper equipment. There is always tomorrow to try to go higher and faster.

The guy showed us how an experienced climber does it. He went up in under 15 seconds. He almost ran up the wall. He trusted his legs. He knew the holds. 

New bionic hip

My sweet mother-in-law has a new hip. Her old one was really giving her troubles. I am grateful to live in a time where this is possible.

Waking up after surgery with a brand new hip. She is said to be resting comfortably. I pray she will have a good night and recover well. I'm so sad to be so far away where all I can do is pray. I wish I could be there and trade off with my family and be part of the support system. I do love her.

scripture

New ponderizing scripture.

The true test. To be obedient to all the Lord hath said. Will I do it? I know I want to .

Disturbing dream

Last night I had a disturbing dream. I had checked out five books at a huge multi-floored library. One book was a huge eight inch thick tome for research. Of course in my dream, it wasn't heavy at all.

When it came time to returm the books for some reason I returned the huge book directly to the stacks without checking it in.

I  spent hours in that library, checking all the floors for that huge book. 

It was utterly futile.

Crazy, strange dream.

Scripture

New scripture:

In light of the angst that has been in the Church since the policy, that was written for the Priesthood leaders, was leaked to the press in the most out of context light possible; this is to remind me of the dangers of murmuring.

I have recently been murmuring a bit. Not about the new policy, I can understand that. We haven't been able to sell our house in Idaho. Josh has really struggled in school here. It seems we are constanly running into new fees or taxes or costs that we hadn't anticipated. It has been hard to be here financially. But things are looking up. Tender mercies abound. 

It is time to remember to be still and know He is God.

Disneyland with the cousins

Friday Craig and I took Boaz out of school and met cousins at Disneyland. This is our first trip since we have moved. Josh opted to stay and attend school. 

Craig got Josh to seminary and Boaz and I got ready. We all picked Josh up at the church and got him to school and then we were off. The traffic was lighter than Craig had anticipated. We made it earlier than we had thought we would. 

We saw all kinds of super heros at Disneyland. It was the Avenger's 5K. The runners dressed up as thier favorite super heros - or villians - and ran the race. I spotted some DC heros. I only know the difference because Josh has taught me. Because of the race the park opened at 9 instead of 8. We got there about 7. We enjoyed a delicious hot chocolate and waited for two hours for the park to open.

This is us waiting outside the gates. Boaz was not too happy he had to get up so early.

Sandy and Alan met Hailey and Steve with their cutie girls and we partied the day away.

Inside Disneyland, finally.

Uncle Alan is a Disneyland pro and showed us the wonders of the fast pass. We were able to do so much more than we thought possible because he knew the tricks. We hit the Matterhorn first because that ride doesn't have a fast pass. The girls knew what they wanted and we were happy to follow along.

Ellie was my driver at Autotopia. She was a good driver. Close to the end, she was thinking about bumping her grandpa when the monorail horn blew. She thought somebody was honking at her because they knew what she was thinking about. So funny.

Boaz drove his dad. He was exploring everything he could do and was quite the crazy driver at the start.

The girls posing for their mom and I snuck a quick pic.

Wating in line. It was a beautiful day. Earlier we were all laughing at the winter coats, hats and scarfs. I guess LA people need a time to wear their cute winter clothes, so the two hours it is chilly in the morning has to do.

We were in love with this little girl's huge eyes. She was a good baby and had many arms willing to hold her. Ellie was happy to have her this time.

My sweet men.

We watched Micky's Magical Map, it's a live show and they showered down streamers at the end. Jocelyn was very excited to gather it all up.

She didn't really want to hang out with me. I'll have to wait until she gets a bit older I guess. But she did let me take her picture.

We stayed through the light parade and the fireworks. It was fun. My feet were very tired and we were happy to head home. Great memories with family. So many things to do here in California. We'll have to work down our list.

Another mile stone

Today was Boaz's last Primary Program. He memorized his part. Turns out he is a good memorizer. He got up second. We were sitting on in our ususal pew, on the opposite side of where Boaz was sitting. Craig and I strained to watch him sing all the songs. The Primary Chorister looked like she stood in the same place, but we shifted for each song to be able to see him sing.

Just after Boaz gave his lines, Craig leaned over to me and said, "Last Time." I had been saying that for two months now, but as I was sitting there watching the fidgety children, my eyes got teary. 

Boaz of course is very excited he is done. He is anxious and ready to advance to the Young Men program. He strains to catch up to Josh and I wish he would slow down just a bit. :)

I didn't know hardly any of the kids. I am still trying to learn the adults. I try and learn the youth. The primary kids have been off my radar. But there they were in their finery, singing the wonderful songs of testimony.

Our last Primary Program. Now I will watch the children of others while my boys sit beside us, grateful they aren't up there and able to appreciate the program for what it really is - adorable children singing their testimonies about Jesus.

My little friend

He comes to visit me often. He seems to like this perch.

He is so little. He looks a bit fat is this picture, but he is perfect.

Just a hint of his long beak.

So cute.

scripture

This week's scripture:

We have been in many places. The only way that we are successful is because I believe that God is with us in all the places that we go. We have met so many wonderful people in each place. We have been in amazing wards in each place. Truely He goes before us and meets us.

Cross Country

Josh had his last cross country meet yesterday. He ran the same track as his the time trial he ran to get on the team. He was excited to run it again. I met Craig so we could waatch him. We had a little map of the course, so we saw him two times during the race. 

Here Craig is holding the map and talking with Josh about how he was going to run the course. Josh hates it when I talk pictures of him. But as his mother, I feel I can and should take pictures. 

He started up on the hill, so we didn't see the start. He came down and turned on the road and I took this picture. I am suprised I got such a good shot.

I even somehow managed to not get the crowd. They were starting to streach out in the line, but were still grouped close together.

This is about half way through the race. Not too bad of an action shot here either. His pace was really good, and Craig was calculating what his time should be. He was getting pretty excited. Notice his shoes. We found out this year how important good shoes are. He had his feet maped and we bought shoes based on what support they gave instead of how cool they looked. He tends to roll his ankle in a bit, these shoes support his ankles and keep his foot more in the correct line or his bones lined up properly. He had been having pain in his hip and feet. The new shoes fixed that right away. No more bone pain.

I didn't get a picture of the finish. I was screaming too much. He came in at 18:31 for the three miles. When he started this season he ran it in 21:00, and it was the hardest he had ever ran. So he took off 2 1/2 minutes in just a few two months. I think that is amazing. It was his best time, his personal record. It's great to end on a high note that like. Now we are looking forward to Spring track season. The trick is to keep up the conditioning and be even better in the Spring.

Bird of Paradise

I remember the first time I saw this flower. I was in New Jersey as a nanny. My employers brought in a huge, beautiful boquet that had some birds of paradise. I have always thought it an exotic flower, associated with wealth.

When we came to California I saw birds of paradise all over this area. 

They are more common than roses back home. They appear to be easy to grow. I love the orange and purple together. Today I noticed it really is a series of orange flowers that emerge from its green cradle.

We have a neighbor that said she hated birds of paradise. Even though they are common place and used in almost every apartment complex's landscape design, I still love them. Now even more because they attract hummingbirds that perch just outside my window. 

Scripture

This weeks's scripture:

Charity comes through grace.

Sacrament Talk a week ago

Our family has recently moved into the ward. I will take just a few minutes to introduce ourselves.

Boaz is our youngest. He is in the sixth grade and learning to play the trumpet. He is loving 11 year old scouts. we are grateful to those that dedicate time in their lives to work with our boys. He is happy, fun-loving and anxiously engaged in being good.

Josh is a sophomore in high school. If you were here last week, you had a chance to learn a bit about him during his talk. He runs cross country and plays the trombone. Seminary is good for him.

We have a daughter currently living in Salem, Oregon. She is an agent for Allstate. We are excited to see her this Thanksgiving.

I have a few secrets to tell you about me. These are things that were deep and dark when I was younger. I hate looking ridiculous. I am afraid of being in water over my head. I didn't know how to laugh at myself. I hate not being in control of myself. I don't like to be the center of attention. Some other things about me: I love the ocean. I watch documentarys. I think I have seen every episode of The Blue Planet. I get lost all the time, especially in buildings. Craig can drive somewhere and know how to get there 20 years later. I rely on the GPS in the car. Craig was super nice to me and bought me a car that tells me how to get home. That helps me be brave driving here in California.

Those might seem like random things. And some of them are, but there are reasons that I told you some of m secrets. About a year and a half ago, Craig and I had an opportunity to go to Hawaii with some of his family. We were three couples. The other two couples were experienced Hawaii travelers. We were happy to tag along and just experience the Islands.

Brad, Craig's brother, does research before he goes on a trip. He decided he wanted to snorkle with the manta rays off the Kona coast. We were all sitting in the condo, maybe after dinner, the first or second night of the trip when he mentioned it. I think I held my breath. The idea of snorkling with manta rays filled me with excitement and dread - contridictory emotions.

Remember I love the ocean. I love watching documentarys about the ocean. Up to this point, the furthest I had ever been in the ocean was wading with my pants rolled up. I had never been snorkeling. My biggest experiences in the water were with swimming pools, water parks, rivers or resevoirs. The ocean is entirely  different.

However, I have learned that life is better if I can manage to ignore my fear, or force myself past my fear. So I had three days to learn how to snorkle and get ready to swim in deep water with really big fish.

My first exxpereince snorkeling they picked a shallow beach. You could see the flashing yellow in the water standing above it. I wanted to do it so bad, that I wore a blow up floaty to keep me afloat. I should say that I am an almost swimmer. I have the basic skills, I just need to practise them. I can float on my own. The issue is my fear of being in water over my head. So this first beach I put on the flippers and mask and with Craig by my side and my in-laws as my cheerleaders, I leveled out and put my face in the water. And water seeped into my mask. I thought I was doing it wrong. I stood up, emptied my mask and tried again. I got to where I would raise my head and release the water. Because there were fish down there. My desire to see the fish was bigger than my discomfort with my mask. eventually we discarded my floaty and I snorkled holding Craig's hand.

My people just thought I was gettign aclimated to having my face in the water. They had no idea I was struggling with a leakiy mask.

Next they decided I was ready for the big water. Sandy, Craig's sister, had a boogie board. They took me to Two Step. I had to take two really big steps off the lava rock into the water that was way over my head. As long as I had the boogie board I was fine. Eventually it was just me and the boogie board. Craig at one point came and got me because I was getting a bit too far our. The fish in this location were amazing. I saw maybe 20 different varieties, all colors and sizes. I had decided the sloshing water in my mask was just part of the experience.

Thursday, the day of, we went to a different beach. The waves were big and I had to figure out how to inter the waves with my flippers. I got over anxious and went in before Craig was ready for me and a big wave tumbled me head over flippers. I staggered to my feet, arms windmilling and lost my mouthpiece. I was devastated. I thought maybe the ocean would bring it back to me and I searched the surf for a long time. I prayed and asked for a miracle, explaining in my prayer how badly I wanted to learn how to do this amazing thing. Eventually we all gave up and I bobbed in the water with Kris, Brad's wife. Craig got his snorkeling in and then came and gave me his mask. he had little swimming pool goggles. His plan was to take me to the good parts so I could see some fish. I felt bad that I was taking his mask, but went with him. The first time I put my face in the water, I was incredulous. His mask didn't leak. I could snorkle without water sloshing around my nose.

That night, with a properly fitting mask, I boarded a little boat. I was surprised how nervous I was, again I refused to admit my nerves, gritted my teeth, and focused on the wind. I was relieved to find out we were still fairly close to the shore when we arrived. Somehow I was the first in line to get out of of the boat and swim to the surf board. The surf board was rigged with PVC pipe for handles and powerful flashlights pointing down into the water.

At the bottom of the site there were powerful searchlights pointing up to the surface. Our surf board accommodated 8. I was surrounded by my people.

There were many other boats with their surf boards. Our boat produced two boards full of people. We were like gigantic petalled flowers floating in the ocean. The ocean glowed with the lights from the bottom and the lights from the top. I was floating in 35 feet of water (and yes, I knew how deep it would be before I even got on the boat). Looking down we saw the SCUBA divers on the bottom. We saw the columns of light. We saw silver fish darting in the light. We floated through bubble clouds produced by the SCUBA divers. And then they came. They soared in on their dark wings and danced in the lights. They would do big barrel rolls under us and we could see into their wide maws and through their gills. We got to swim with them for about an hour and a half. They were glorious!

What was really happening was the lights attracked the plankton and the plankton attracked the manta rays. They were just hungry.

So why am I talking about this in Sacrament Meeting? This was a dream of mine that I didn't dare to dream. I had too many liabilities to even think of dreaming this dream. I had no business dreaming about this. But there I was.

The gospel teaches us that we can make it back to Heaven and live with God again. Here we are on Earth, with all our habits and sins; with all our lack of understanding; with all our defiance and stubbornness; with all our inability. How is it possible?

Alma teaches us that faith starts with desire, " . . . even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words" (32:27).

If that desire is strong enough, you can block out doubt and fear. I wanted to snorkle with the manta rays to badly that I made myself do something I was very afraid to do. I didn't just jump in though. I practiced first. I started small. Small where the misunderstandings revealed themselves, with a little push from Heaven.  

Faith is like a muscle. Or faith is like a verb. Either way, it requires action. Alma further says, ". . . it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me" (32:28). I was rewarded immediatly when I first put my leaky-masked face in the water with the sight of the amazing yellow tangs, and I was hungry for more. We started where I could still stand. We got to where I didn't need my personal floaty. My people took me to places wehre I saw more and more beautiful fish. Before I ever stepped off that boat into 35 feet of water in the dark, I was truly hooked and had gained confidence in myself, but more importantly I had confidence in my people.

Repentance, or coarse correction, is next. We all fail. We are not bothered by babies learning how to walk. We see them fall time and again and know that it is just a part of learning. My neice would throw tantrums when she fell. My boys would walk with their hands waving in the air for balance. They would fall time and time again, but they kept getting up. They were driven to learn.

I suffered with a leaky mask. I didn't understand the basic tenant of snorkling, but I still got in the water. I was driven to learn.

I believe we all have a drive to return home. The trick is to not get discouraged and give up. Repentance is just part of the process. We can see our toddlers mistakes before they make them and we still love them. They can cry and throw a massive tantrum and we still love them. As they grow, they can destroy our property and damage our house and our neighbor's house and we still love them. We replace broken glasses, lost silverware, shattered windows and wrecked cars and we still love them.

Repentance is how Jesus replaces what we destroy and how He restores what we lose. He still loves us. We just need to trust Him. Isaiah tell us, "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they whall be as wool" (1:18).

When we get baptized, we join the Church. We become members. We promise to get involved. As we come to Church every week, we partake of the Sacrament and promise to follow Jesus. In return we are promised wonderful blessings. Jesus spoke to Oliver through Joseph, "Behold, thou art Oliver, and I have spoken unto thee because of thy desires; therefore treasure up these words in thy heart. Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love" (D&C 6:20). Is this not a promise to all of us? Are we willing to receive this heavenly hug?

What must we do? We must read our scriptures. We must pray. We must attend Church. We must accept callings. We must make our visits. We must clean the church building. We must help our neighbors. We must get all in. In somewhat of a broken metaphore, I had to get out of the boat (not the good ship Zion, of course -- I am still in the Good Ship Zion) and get in the water to see the fish and eventually the manta rays. I had to face my deficiencies and my fears.

We then put ourselves in a position to receive the Holy Ghost. The ordinance is potential. Our obedience ipens the door to his companionship. He can show us things that we didn't even know we could do. Perhaps Paul said it best when he said, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Phil 4:13). There are times when it seems just too hard, that is the time to not give up. If we can persevere, we can witness miracles. He will help us even when we don't know we need help. He will answer our heartfelt prayers in ways that will benefit us most, usually in ways that are beyond our understanding. For example, when I prayed about finding that mouthpiece, He knew there was a better way. I needed a new face mask, something I just didn't understand. He answered my need, not my request.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ has no end point. It is eternal. As we strive to live the Gospel, we become refined; our lives change; and we become instruments in the hands of God, Himself, to bless our families, our friends and others.

I am so grateful for the Gospel. For all the many chances I have been given. I am grateful for my family and the love and support they give me. They teach me to trust Jesus, for all love is a reflection of His love.